TLV Inbox

[greatoldjohn]

[in a rather deep voice] "This is John Doe. Please leave your message. I'll get back to you as soon as I can. I may respond in text if I'm currently with Arthur. Apologies."

Now Moved To: Inbox: Act II - please tag in there!

Comments

spam

[citizendetective]

"I assume you know that I don't."

Re: spam

[greatoldjohn]

"I don't assume, but I can guess, yes," he answers mildly. "But in that case, you didn't care when you stabbed Natalie in the chest and turned the knife... but suddenly, ten minutes later, you do care. And you can't unstab them. And you can't take away the wound it left in her chest. And you can't make her trust you coming near her because of what happened the last time."

He looks to her.

"You don't feel bad, or have guilt, because at the time you didn't care. It didn't matter. You wouldn't have done anything different because then, it made sense. But then you have to live with the consequences when you do care. And it hurts that even though you feel different, and you'd do different things now that you care, they have no reason to believe that's the case. They don't see how big of a change there was, between not caring and caring. And a part of them will always wonder if you do actually care or if it's just a game. And that hurts too."

spam

[citizendetective]

As he talks, she curls closer to the bed, taking Natalie's arm and pulling it gently into her lap.

"Okay," she says slowly, once he's done. "You're right. That does sound horrible."

Re: spam

[greatoldjohn]

"Human beings used to be insignificant to me. Even Arthur was insignificant at one time. I manipulated him to do what I wanted, to feel safe and secure and in control. And I didn't care that I hurt him to do it.

"Now, he's everything to me. And I have to hear the shadow of every shitty thing I did, all the things I took from him, all the twists of the knife I used, in moments that could have been perfect."

He looks to her.

"I don't regret Arthur. I'll never regret Arthur. But I regret not caring. I thought caring would cost me everything. But the truth is that it was not caring that made me lose something. I just couldn't see that while I didn't care."

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[citizendetective]

"I've never wanted to be like that," she says, curling her fingers against the skin of Natalie's arm. "Even when I've talked about getting better and better at not caring - I've never included everybody in that."

Re: spam

[greatoldjohn]

"Haven't you?"

He doesn't sound challenging. More trying to rectify two conflicting data points.

"What's the difference? In practice, I mean?"

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[citizendetective]

"Between not feeling anything for most people and not feeling anything for anyone?" She pauses. "Not feeling anything for most people makes it easier to protect the people I do care about."

Re: spam

[greatoldjohn]

He listens to that but-

"I would agree to some degree, but in many ways, it's much harder."

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[citizendetective]

"Others such as...?"