TLV Inbox

[greatoldjohn]

[in a rather deep voice] "This is John Doe. Please leave your message. I'll get back to you as soon as I can. I may respond in text if I'm currently with Arthur. Apologies."

Now Moved To: Inbox: Act II - please tag in there!

Comments

[greatoldjohn]

I did!

Did you?

[pitofguilt]

Yeah, I did. I actually had that talk with Misty there. It went pretty well.

[greatoldjohn]

Good! Did you get a kiss for new years?

[pitofguilt]

I did, yeah. Wasn't planning on it, but it happened.

Did you?

[ Can he? Is that why he brought it up? ]

[greatoldjohn]

[ There's a short pause. ]

I did.

It was my first new years. And the first new years kiss.

I'm glad you got one too.

[pitofguilt]

Look at you go!

[ She's happy for him, and she can guess his kiss was with Arthur. As for herself... well, there's not much to say. "Here's to friendship" and such. ]

Feeling all hopeful and positive today?

[greatoldjohn]

As much as any day.

What about you? Are you hopeful for further discussions?

[pitofguilt]

[ A slight pause. ]

I'm not sure.

[ It's not hard to put together the words, but they don't quite reflect her thoughts about it. ]

We'll talk about heavy stuff if we have to. I'm just not sure the same trust is there anymore.

[greatoldjohn]

It might not be.

Trust takes time once you've broken it.

[pitofguilt]

A wry smile. "I know. Not my first rodeo."

A B&E spree in her first few days here, and then the whole shooting Arthur thing, don't exactly speak to her being trustworthy-- to say nothing of the life she's lived.

"She did accept that she shouldn't have assumed I was mad. So that's something."

[greatoldjohn]

That's something.

And I figured you'd knew you broke it. But the part I wanted to remind you of is that it can be regained. But it takes time. Continual effort.

[pitofguilt]

Yeah.

[ She hopes she can achieve that with him and Arthur. She'll keep at it. Not so much a goal as a way of being. ]

Franky said something to me a while back, about how having a reason to get out of here can keep me going in the right direction. What do you think about that?

[ She can hazard a guess, but assumptions are bad, is what she was upset with Misty about. Not that she's never been a hypocrite before, but there's no reason to be one with John. ]

[greatoldjohn]

I think it's like anything else: it can certainly be useful. But it has it's pitfalls too.

For you, I think it would be helpful. Especially since you have a tendency to run away from and not to anywhere.

[pitofguilt]

I did, once. Run toward something. I was gonna go to college on a scholarship and never look back.

Didn't work out. [ Obviously. ] It's different here, I get that. I'm just not sure what I could even go toward. Being less of an aashole to people, I guess, but that's... I dunno. Doesn't feel like enough.

...Franky says she could see me fighting on her side where she's from. As a pilot.

[greatoldjohn]

I think that she has little reason to lie to you, and if that's something you'd want to pursue, you should.

Do you think that's why you've been so hesitant to make goals or run towards things? Because the one time you did, something terrible happened before you could get there? That a part of you is trying to protect yourself from hoping for anything specific because then, it can't be destroyed?

[pitofguilt]

I don't know if I want to. It's something to do, train for it.

Maybe. Nothing else ever felt like something worth working toward.

[greatoldjohn]

Let's lay things out: what do you like about the idea? What do you not like about it?

Because you didn't have any other options? Or because you weren't looking for them?

[pitofguilt]

Hold on, I'm gonna write this down.

[ Aka switch to text. ]

Pros: scheduled, mental and physical training
Cons: I'm not really interested in killing people

I honestly don't remember. Coming back was hard. I can't remember right now.

[greatoldjohn]

[ Hmm. ]

I see something interesting about that list. Do you see it?

1/2

[pitofguilt]

Inconsistent grammar

2/2

[pitofguilt]

I'm joking

Because i don't think i do

The training thing? I do want to get back in some kind of shape

[greatoldjohn]

No.

All your advantages are right now.

All of your disadvantages are in the future.

Do you see this as a real place to 'go' in your future or just something to run towards right now?

[pitofguilt]

I honestly don't know. No, I guess? More no than yes.

It's something to do now, though.

[greatoldjohn]

It is.

Are you doing it because it's the only option that's been presented to you, then? Something you 'should' do because someone you like and respect said it might help? Or does it feel right?

[pitofguilt]

I'm doing it because it sounds interesting and it's something to do.

[ Something to do that takes up enough of her focus that she can avoid thinking about personal growth and redemption. ]